Because All Good Heroes Deserve Kidneys

So, for those who don’t know, Eurovision was officially founded as a way to unite a...

Tue, 21 May 2013 01:22:00 +0100

So, for those who don’t know, Eurovision was officially founded as a way to unite a war-shredded continent through the healing power of music back in the Fifties, and this is close to the truth. But in fact, the whole truth is ~~so terrible it is hidden in the Cascade of Medusa herself~~ that Eurovision is, in fact, the greatest weapon of them all; the evolved Enigma Machine.

Every year it is fed and grows strong on the blood of unicycling gnomes and vigorous charlatans with folk instruments, soothed by banal arias for world peace and goaded by excruciatingly embarrassing exchanges between the host and the country vote callers over faulty connections who can’t quite hear each other but nonetheless try to ‘banter’. And every year, it runs the probabilities, disguised as ‘votes’ from an unsuspecting public, and computes the chance of the one thing it was created to predict and help us avoid at all costs.

War, Tumblrs.

The bitter, unending War of Europe.

It goes like this. Chance of War between two countries is presented in a harmless, non-alarming format; the vote points for the songs. In and of themselves these points mean nothing, but taken together patterns emerge. A country that awards points to another has given it blood, given it minds and souls and resources, and it expects this in return to maintain the balance. This doesn’t have to mean totally equal points, of course. In a year in which, say, Germany gives San Marino ten points, San Marino aren’t obliged to give Germany ten in return; however, it’s best that they do give one of the big scores (the twelve, the ten or the eight), and if not, they had better sharpen up and do so next year. Now, if they give Germany an extremely low number, the Eurovision will move to a Minor Alert. There is a large imbalance. This may signify Tensions between Germany and San Marino in the coming year.

If San Marino, in this scenario, were to give Germany no points, however, then a Medium Alert is issued by the Eurovision. There Will Be Tensions.

The problems come when this is a pattern repeated. A country continuously spurned by multiple others may not have a single target for hostilities, but more hostile they will become. There are additional factors; points debts get run up from year to year, and can be explosive. Add those, and that’s when the Eurovision goes to a Major Alert. But the greatest snub is when a country is expected to give twelve points to another, but at the last second awards it to a rival instead, leaving the expected recipient pointless. Then. Then the Eurovision prepares us for war.

(As a final point, some countries are exempt owing to Higher Concerns; Greece and Cyprus must always exchange twelve points, or the Kraken that sleeps beneath the Mediterranean will awaken, and devour us all.)

So, now that the hangovers have gone and the glitter has been tidied away, it’s time to look back over Eurovision 2013 and analyse it for its sybillic warnings of the year to come in Europe’s political sphere. By and large it was okay - the UK is continuing to play with fire by not voting for Ireland, but at least it’s making headway into the debt with Malta. Switzerland managed to choose. The Kraken still sleeps -

BUT WAIT.

ESTONIA.

Finland. Vote for Finland. Yes it was a mental song, that’s irrelevant. Vote for Finland. They’re right there -

“And the Estonian twelve points go to - !”

FINLAND, COME ON -

“Russia!”

ESTONIA.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.

Cry “Havoc!” and let slip the dogs of war.

The Eurovision has spoken.

stalungrad: kristaferanka: Four Redesigns I did for She Has No...

Tue, 21 May 2013 00:45:26 +0100

stalungrad:

kristaferanka:

Four Redesigns I did for She Has No Head’s new article by Kelly Thompson

The theme were characters that need a redesign.

Reblogging for Elanor, who must have already seen them, but look. I’m supportive.

I loves me some redesigns.

(Good supportive husband, have biscuit now.)

eschergirls: euniko submitted: sexual superhero LOL...

Mon, 20 May 2013 17:34:45 +0100

eschergirls:

euniko submitted:

sexual superhero

LOL XD

Originally from Mundsen’s Bar (the comic has since been removed from the site for a reason I don’t know), and written by Martha Thomases and Valerie (D’Orazio) Gallagher, and drawn by Norm Breyfogle.

Completely brillaint, and also a possible rival for Richard’s RGCOTW, since it’s a Monday.

Why Do Men Keep Putting Me in the Girlfriend-Zone?

Mon, 20 May 2013 10:33:36 +0100

philsandifer:

literaryreference:

You know how it is, right, ladies? You know a guy for a while. You hang out with him. You do fun things with him—play video games, watch movies, go hiking, go to concerts. You invite him to your parties. You listen to his problems. You do all this because you think he wants to be your friend.

But then, then comes the fateful moment where you find out that all this time, he’s only seen you as a potential girlfriend. And then if you turn him down, he may never speak to you again. This has happened to me time after time: I hit it off with a guy, and, for all that I’ve been burned in the past, I start to think that this one might actually care about me as a person. And then he asks me on a date.

I tell him how much I enjoy his company, how much I value his friendship. I tell him that I really want to be his friend and to continue hanging out with him and talking about our favorite books or exploring new restaurants or making fun of avant-garde theatre productions. But he rejects me. He doesn’t answer my calls or e-mails; if we’d been making plans to do something before this fateful incident, these plans mysteriously fail to materialize. (This is why I never did get around to seeing the Hunger Games movie. Not to name any names, but thanks a lot, Tom.) Later, when I run into him at social events, our conversations are awkward and lukewarm. This is because the moment we met, he put me in the girlfriend-zone, and now he can’t see me as friend material.

I must say that I find this really unfair. I mean, I’m a nice girl. I have a lot to offer as a friend, like not being a douchebag and stuff. But males just don’t want to be friends with nice girls like me. They can’t help it, I guess; it’s just how they’re wired, biologically. Evolution conditioned our male hominid ancestors to seek nice girls as mates and form friendship bonds only with the other dudes that they hunted mammoths with. It’s true—I know this because I studied hominids in my fifth-grade science class.

So what’s the answer? Should I take up mammoth-hunting in an attempt to appeal to the friendship centers of men’s primal lizardbrains? Should I keep making guy “friends” and then prevent them from making a move on me by subtly undermining their self-confidence? Should I just give up on those manipulative, game-playing, two-faced bastards once and for all? I don’t know. I mean, I’d really like to have a true friendship with a guy someday, but it’s so hard to trust and respect them when they never say what they mean—and you never know when you might be relegated to the girlfriend-zone.

I want to be this person’s friend. A lot.

zomg yes all of this ALL OF THIS PERFECT

So I’m revising away like a good girl but it’s late and I’m tired and part way...

Sun, 19 May 2013 23:23:44 +0100

So I’m revising away like a good girl but it’s late and I’m tired and part way through reading an article on Smart Grids I’ve come across a section talking about the Riso National Laboratory for Sustainable Energy in Denmark, whose acronym is SYSLAB. In my tired state though my brain mis-read that as SKYLAB, and then chose to re-render this word into SKYNET.

For those who don’t know, a smart grid is a network of remote sensors, advanced meters and extremely clever computers that can regulate electricity across entire continents.

I just spent five befuddled minutes wondering when the Killy Robots are going to invade from Denmark, and whether or not we should take Eurovision off them next year.

Then my brain caught up, embarrassedly shuffling its brain feet, and apologetically pointed out that the word SYSLAB has only one letter in common with SKYNET. Fuck knows how it made that connection. I blame the synesthesia.

bradamantium: Apparently, Wales has a growing game development industry but they need more...

Sun, 19 May 2013 11:50:26 +0100

bradamantium:

Apparently, Wales has a growing game development industry but they need more talent.

Steffan, Elanor, I’m moving in.

#I mean they probably want more actually Welsh talent #but I’m sure I’ll do

Ooh, yay! It’s okay, you just support whoever’s playing England in the rugby and donate to Marie Curie Cancer Care on the first of March every year, you’ll pass. I’ll get Steff to tidy the spare room, it’ll be great.

Er, although I feel I should warn you that I’m a parasomniac environmentalist prone to ranting, it’s not that easy to live with. Also there’s a lot of harmonised singing of nonsense words around dinner time because we’re massive national stereotypes. But um… there’s also computer games?

geekykristie: Charlie Chu at his first convention in his first...

Sun, 19 May 2013 10:52:06 +0100

Getting ready!

Mischief!

Supermannnnnn

geekykristie:

Charlie Chu at his first convention in his first cospaly: Big WOW Comic Fest, dressed as Mr. Mxyzptlk!

Con going with an infant isn’t the easiest of things but it is possible. We’re all exhausted after such a fun filled day - there were so many great cosplayers out and about and they were all lovely.

Guys

no guys

guys seriously

this is fucking amazing.

BEST COSPLAY EVER

I SALUTE YOU, GOOD PARENTS

Did anyone accuse him of being a fake geek baby? I imagine he’s read all of the relevant issues, mind.

If I ever breed I’m totally going to dress my offspring as Pikmin.

trojanphoenix: becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys: And that’s all of them! Quite disappointed by...

Sun, 19 May 2013 00:06:32 +0100

trojanphoenix:

becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys:

And that’s all of them! Quite disappointed by Eurovision this year. I feel there was a higher than usual quota of bland normal songs and a shocking lack of clowns being shot across the stage out of cannons vomiting rainbows. Thank goodness for Romania’s vampire man and Greece’s glowy folk instruments.

I predict Greece, Romania, Netherlands, Ireland, Denmark, Norway and Georgia will do well. So whichever of those countries has the most mates. LET THE VOTING COMMENCE.

There wasn’t nearly enough men in dresses and leather bondage gear and skirt rips this year.

I quite agree. I mean, I realised we’ve all become spoiled these days; it’s hard to go back to bland pop when transvestite unicycling gnomes have graced your screen, or at least that excellent Ukrainian version of Xena. But really. Germany didn’t even write a new song, they just pinched last year’s winner and cut bits off.

And I’ll admit, as FABULOUS as Bonnie Tyler is, I was gutted we didn’t shove those terrifying glowy-eyed angels from the Total Eclipse of the Heart video into the background to chase her again.

Ah well. Barefoot Danes have won. Well done them.

OH MY GOD WAIT what is this glorious Swedish intermission song??????!!??!! WHY DIDN’T THEY...

Sat, 18 May 2013 22:56:15 +0100

OH MY GOD WAIT what is this glorious Swedish intermission song??????!!??!! WHY DIDN’T THEY SUBMIT THIS.!?!? This is genuinely more Eurovision than the actual bloody entrants!!!

THE MEN DON’T HAVE TITTIES

And that’s all of them! Quite disappointed by Eurovision this year. I feel there was a higher...

Sat, 18 May 2013 22:37:12 +0100

And that’s all of them! Quite disappointed by Eurovision this year. I feel there was a higher than usual quota of bland normal songs and a shocking lack of clowns being shot across the stage out of cannons vomiting rainbows. Thank goodness for Romania’s vampire man and Greece’s glowy folk instruments.

I predict Greece, Romania, Netherlands, Ireland, Denmark, Norway and Georgia will do well. So whichever of those countries has the most mates. LET THE VOTING COMMENCE.

Cry havoc and let slip the bands of waaaaaar!

Sat, 18 May 2013 14:31:04 +0100

trojanphoenix:

ARE WE READY FOR THE GRAND FINAL?

EUROVIIIIISIIIIIIIOOOON!

THERE WILL BE BLOOD AND HOPEFULLY LESBIANS AND BAD DRESSES AND DRAG ACTS!

I am so excited I can not, as they say in the popular vernacular, even. As ever, I have kept myself pure of hearing any of the prospective songs ahead of time, even the British entry.

Nevertheless, here is my Eurovision 2013 prediction:

Greece and Cyprus will give each other 12 points.

This may sound like politics, but actually it keeps the kraken beneath the Med between Greece and Cyprus sleeping for another year.

"I rang the literary editors of a few ‘respected’ papers and asked them how much space they were..."

Sat, 18 May 2013 10:37:22 +0100

“

I rang the literary editors of a few ‘respected’ papers and asked them how much space they were giving to women writers in their ‘review’ sections. Perfectly predictable response. They all said the allocation was fair. One said it was equal, and one prominent editor went so far as to say women are dominating the reviews!

… What happened when I asked who was doing the talking in mixed sex conversations? Well, it was the women of course. And then when you get to measure it you find that women get to talk about 10-20% of the time in conversations with men. A woman who talks about a third of the time is seen to be dominating the talk.

And what happened when I asked teachers who got their attention in class? Well, it was all equal, wasn’t it? No preferences there. And you measure it and find that girls get about 10-20% of the teacher’s attention. Any more, and the boys think it unfair - and go into revolt.

So what do you think I found with the reviews?

I would have predicted about 10-20% of the space went to women’s books. Well, it is less than 6% of the column inches. And the reasonable editor who thinks that women are getting more than their share is one of the worst offenders. Poor boys! It really tells you something when they think only 94% of the review section is not enough, doesn’t it? When 6% for women is too much you get some idea how much men think they are entitled to - as a fair deal.

”

- Dale Spender, correspondence, in Dale and Lynne Spender, Scribbling Sisters (Camden Press, 1986), pp. 31-32 (via radtransfem)

I’ve talked about this on this blog before, but it’s nice to have another independent set of statistics into it.

awkwardsituationist: “world of averages” - composite images...

Sat, 18 May 2013 00:44:59 +0100

awkwardsituationist:

“world of averages” - composite images culled from thousands of individual portraits resulting in symmetrical average faces.

I was curious, so I went to the website and this is Wales:

Because All Good Heroes Deserve Kidneys: Steampunk Character Class Designs

Sat, 18 May 2013 00:32:47 +0100

Because All Good Heroes Deserve Kidneys: Steampunk Character Class Designs:

gracierocket:

becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys:

I’ve been drawing these for two weeks to avoid revising, so I can’t remember why. But probably after reading something about limited female character designs on, oh, let’s say, Escher Girls; when compiling a team for a video game you’re normally looking to create a balanced one, and a lot of the…

These are awesome! Can I be Rogue/Infiltrator? (Because, you know, we really need one more fantasy world to inhabit.)

I mean, another word for that class is basically ‘spy’, so technically I’ve already written you as one, although admittedly there’s more of a Victoriana vibe to these.

Around about my fourth bitten pencil I wished bitterly that you were here, actually, so you could model the Rogue for me. Tru fax. It would have saved many pencils.

Steampunk Character Class Designs

Fri, 17 May 2013 20:55:25 +0100

I’ve been drawing these for two weeks to avoid revising, so I can’t remember why. But probably after reading something about limited female character designs on, oh, let’s say, Escher Girls; when compiling a team for a video game you’re normally looking to create a balanced one, and a lot of the time there are only one or two women available for some specific roles, and the rest have to be men. Or, alternatively, you can have either gender in each role! But the women will have elected to wear two hankies and a string of tooth floss while the men get armour. Or will be in sexualised or submissive poses, or will all have exactly the same body while the men come in different shapes and sizes… etc, yeah, if you’re following me you already know all these arguments, I post them often enough.

So I decided to make my own! I decided to create six classes and have women of different body types in each; I’ve also included different racial phenotypes, since I wanted to avoid a Greg Land-style white-features-coloured-brown thing, but I’ve not coloured any of these yet so those might not be quite so obvious. And after I started I decided to go steampunk in tone, because (a) I like steampunk, (b) it allows for both science and magic comfortably, (c) it was helpful to have a unifying theme when creating outfits and (d) I like steampunk.

The classes themselves are a sort of amalgamation of the most common ones you find. Also IMPORTANT NOTE a few design elements were inspired by others I found on the internet and I kept the links to give proper credit… and then the computer crashed earlier, so I’ve lost them. If you recognise/are reminded of anyone’s work you know, therefore, please tell me so I can credit appropriately, thank.

So! On with the show!

Leader/Warrior

A generic warrior/fighter was the idea here, but those are usually the leaders of teams, so yeah. In case it’s not clear owing to a lack of colours, she’s wearing a full breastplate there, not a metal underbust corset and then just cloth over the soft parts. Inclusion of Big-Ass Sword is for Richard and Steff, who very much lament the loss of Red She-Hulk from Marvel’s publication list.

I went for a nicely-muscled athletic body type here; male equivalents are usually nicely muscled but not wildly so.

I think this one is my second favourite design, I’m very keen on her.

Mage

My representative of hourglass figures. She looks less like she’s about to fall over in the original - the scanner has tilted her slightly, sorry about that. I thought I’d go with a Victorian magician kind of feel because steampunk and also excuse for top hat, but I’m very torn as to whether or not I should have given her a long skirt - mages do normally wear robes even when male, after all. Consequently this one is my least favourite. I like her, I’m just… not convinced.

Engineer/Technomancer

The pretty, pretty gauntlets… have I mentioned I love steampunk? It’s the mecha. Anyway. This is the scientist or technician type and bugger I’ve just realised I meant to give her a tool belt and have forgotten. Er… imagine one. Anyway, I could find very few pictures of even male archetypes of this class, and I really wanted to include a curvier body type because they’re pretty much invisible in these things, so here we are. I really like this one, forgotten toolbelt aside. I think she’s my third favourite.

Barbarian/Bruiser

I wasn’t sure what to call this class, because it’s another one with multiple names - basically, it’s the class belonging to the massive dudes with the massive axes. Unlike the warrior, these guys are physically exaggerated into these behemoths of men, and are given weapons that have no finesse but destroy EVERYTHING when used. I couldn’t find a single female example, personally.

Since the idea is over-exaggerated size and power, though - and it is very much the case that even men can’t attain that size in nature - then why not have a female version? So she’s sodding enormous. There’s a lot of muscle there.

She’s covered in a shit-ton of armour, so I really enjoyed giving her little feminine touches, like the frill on the bottom of her skirt/cape, and the winding mechanism on her helmet looking like a corsage, and her hair, and also by the way, did you know that rivets are sexy? YOU DO NOW.

Rogue/Infiltrator

The obvious role to put a petite woman in. This is the only one done from a Real Human Being, because I had another design but it kept going wrong and forcing me to bite my pencils in half, so in the end I decided to change tack and also to save my remaining pencils. That’s supposed to be a safe she’s examining. Shut up.

This is probably the design that could most do with colouring in to bring it to life - it’s less complex or detailed than the others, so it’s less inspiring. But I like it. Fifth favourite.

Flyer/Archer (Ranger?)

Favourite. I expect you can tell why. An hour, before you ask. Per wing.

I think she’d be called a ranger, but being woodsy and also Lord of the Ringsy that’s a word that means something too different to me. But, you know - the one who hangs back and fights from afar.

Anyway, she got to be the tall-and-slim-with-few-curves body type, because lanky tends to be the toneword for male examples of this sort of class. If I were to play this game I’d pick her. Or maybe the barbarian. Not sure.

If I get a break in revision I might get round to colouring these, but it’s not too likely for the forseeable future, so instead anyone who cares will have to view these in rough-sketch-mangled-by-my-crappy-scanner form. Sorry about that.

When you live with a comedian occasionally you find things like...

Fri, 17 May 2013 17:06:10 +0100

When you live with a comedian occasionally you find things like this around your house and when you ask them about it they go ‘Oh, that’s right’ and wander off.

No.

Fri, 17 May 2013 16:51:23 +0100

trojanphoenix:

becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys:

trojanphoenix:

Oh UKIP are complaining about how oppressed they are because people criticise their racism/xenophobia/general asstwatishness and claims Scottish politics are “being racist against the English”.

Not surprising a bunch of racist idiots don’t understand how oppression works.

“We are UKIP because we stand for all of the UK because we are all Britain ZOMG THOSE SCOTS ARE BEING MEAN TO US ENGLISH”

Well, those definitions lasted well.

Do you think they know that the “British” pound sign £ came from the Romans and has been used as currency sign in lots of other countries that aren’t part of the UK?

It’s a bit like a MRA group having a ♂ symbol as a sign and having people who studying astrology and alchemy laughing at them.

I think if I’ve learned anything about groups like UKIP and the BNP it’s that they have not the faintest glimmer of an idea about where anything comes from, up to and most especially including the things they build political platforms on.

Like immigration. If you want everyone to ‘go home’, including people who were actually born here; what’s the cut-off point where it was okay? England as a country has produced an incredible race of people off the back of its immense diversity owing to all that conquering that was done to it. Which of those waves of immigration is okay? Is it in chronological order? Or do we pick and choose? Are we chucking out anyone of Viking descent but keeping the Normans? No, wait, in the modern day everyone randomly and bitchily hates France and racially abuses them but thinks of Scandinavia as simply the place where flat-packs and crime dramas come from. So maybe it should be the other way around. How do you reconcile that some people might Look A Bit Brown but have actually been here, family-wise, since the middle ages, whereas someone who looks white is second-generation German? And how, when claiming “ancestral rights” to your homeland, do you get around the thorny issue of, say, the Welsh? Because, you know, if we’re going down the path of genetics…

Heh, funniest thing I ever heard from the BNP actually was Nick Griffin once saying there’s “no such thing as a black Welshman”, which even aside from the blatantly incorrect racism shows (a) an astonishing sense of entitlement that you get to dictate who does and doesn’t qualify as a nationality that isn’t even yours, and (b) an astonishing lack of understanding of the qualification rules for being Welsh; like the Japanese we care more about being culturally than genetically Welsh, and that just means supporting whoever plays England in the rugby. Including, and I literally mean this, if you are English but don’t support the English rugby team.

TL;DR: lol, racist politics

No.

Fri, 17 May 2013 16:12:43 +0100

theonlylogicalconclusion:

becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys:

trojanphoenix:

Oh UKIP are complaining about how oppressed they are because people criticise their racism/xenophobia/general asstwatishness and claims Scottish politics are “being racist against the English”.

Not surprising a bunch of racist idiots don’t understand how oppression works.

“We are UKIP because we stand for all of the UK because we are all Britain ZOMG THOSE SCOTS ARE BEING MEAN TO US ENGLISH”

Well, those definitions lasted well.

Scottish politics aren’t being racist to the English. If anything, Scottish politics are being insulting to the Scottish, as they suggest that we would much prefer to live financially worse off and politicly unsure as an independent Scotland. Utter rubbish. Alex Salmond might be a pompous, bloated arse, but he isn’t racist towards the English. He’s just an idiot who believes we all want to wear kilts and sing Auld Lang Syne whilst running through the heather.

I find Alex Salmond a terrifying human being - I have now seen him being extensively interviewed three times on various politics shows on the BBC and in every single one his hypnotic gaze and aggressively reasonable manner had me thinking ‘Yeah, shut up, interviewer’ whenever he was asked a question, and then afterwards I couldn’t remember a single damn thing he’d said.

I’m sufficiently concerned that I’ve started checking to see if I’m subconsciously drumming a four-beat rhythm on the chair arm each time he appears on my television set. Results are so far inconclusive.

No.

Fri, 17 May 2013 14:26:22 +0100

trojanphoenix:

Oh UKIP are complaining about how oppressed they are because people criticise their racism/xenophobia/general asstwatishness and claims Scottish politics are “being racist against the English”.

Not surprising a bunch of racist idiots don’t understand how oppression works.

“We are UKIP because we stand for all of the UK because we are all Britain ZOMG THOSE SCOTS ARE BEING MEAN TO US ENGLISH”

Well, those definitions lasted well.

stalungrad: sonnetscrewdriver: thegreatgodum: lowercasename: ...

Fri, 17 May 2013 11:59:55 +0100

stalungrad:

sonnetscrewdriver:

thegreatgodum:

lowercasename:

soapyraindrops:

charli-mcda:

9gag:

Let’s give it a shot.

And as he was feeling rather sad, remembering his small abandoned planet…

SEEMS LEGIT

I say we give her a chance. Lyra?

“Aye, nae wonder, ‘cause here’s a bear!”

“If a real war does start, and if all the Wolman tribes ever unite against us, we’re dead.”

I choose to interpret “death” as “little death” and “war” as “orgies”

‘“I could read it if you’d let me concentrate,” retorted Moonglow.’

Huh.

“In the same way that the old school photograph shows us how ludicrous our all-encompassing concerns were at that age, the knowledge that we are the only ones to take our tribulations so seriously and that the rest of the world would find our anxieties silly if we spoke them out loud, is to me at least a relief.”

Uncanny.

“Yes yes yes, oh baby yes; soaking wet the shoulders, the hair spiked with water, pushed back with his hand which had a hippie ring on it of thick pewter, silver, some girlfriend gift, some souvenir of a place he went before he walked into my path forever once.”

GET OUT OF MY LIFE DEMON BOOK THAT KNOWS ME

I win. I actually win this game. I don’t even know what this book is, but I think I’m going to read it now.